THE STRUGGLE IS REAAALLLLL!!!!!!!!
My fellow blogger LexiLife go follow her, wrote a piece about how hard it is to make decisions, so I thought you know what I am exactly like that.
Decisions, decisions, decisions, it is the worst thing on this planet, everyday is a struggle to pick an outfit, to decide even to go out is even a struggle. its not a bad thing to be indecisive its just that you want to make sure everything is right or worthwhile. Most of the time its just that I am so clueless as to what I want, I literally go through this motion and ritual through out the whole week
1. MY LOCAL SHOP
I could walk into ASDA just to buy one thing that I think I need, I get that and then I am walking through all the aisle, ummmm… What are my people (MOTHER AND SISTER) going to eat. I could stand in front of the poultry section for 30minutes looking at the same type of chicken, I move out of that section without actually taking anything after standing there for 30minutes. Why? you ask me. I dont have an idea myself. After spending up to 2 hours there, I come out of ASDA without anything even the thing I went in their to get in the first place.
Because I cant make a decision, I become stressed, I start to over think things and I become unbearable, What is she does not like this?. Let me put this back. I start to waver and go up and down, back and forth. It really gets to me. If someone was to ask me a question what would you like I could be there thinking and then it gets to a point where I believe I have finally decided, so I choose what I want let them go, or put the phone down 10 minutes later I am on the phone to them, saying I dont want it any-more.
WHY CANT MAKING DECISION EASY. #
3. OTHERS GET FRUSTRATED
My Best friend absolutely hates when I do that, the night before we plan to go out for the next day. Come that day “hi girl, not sure if i am coming any more.” I could tell from the silence on that she is on the other side rolling her eyes at me all pissed. Everyone can make decisions easily without always having to second guess themselves. I might tell her to just make the decision for me but I come up with an excuse but I cant do that, But its… so in cases like this you will find me in my bedroom i would rather stay there and do nothing which at the end of the day always links to something else. What can I do whilst I am at home.
4. WHAT TO WATCH
So here I am at home. Looking about, Home alone, What can I do?. I have my Laptop, the TV is there but the problem is what to do. I might watch a movie, I have my own personal movies on my Laptop about 50 or so, some I have obviously watched 20 times some are still knew, but the stress is back from having to make a decision on what to watch, in subconscious mind I am thinking why it it this hard for you, you have already watched half these movies before and many times, so pick one of the new ones. But like I said it isn’t easy. So at the end I watch something I have already watched before but stop half way through as I am bored.
5. PUBLIC TRANSPORT
I might look crazy changing seats, I am just not sure where to sit. Should I sit by the window, should I sit on the left or right side, in front or at the back. Where should I sit?
Dont go restaurants any more WHY?. Because I cant make my mind up, so its best if someone else books a restaurant without really telling me or else I will come up with an excuse why we should not go there.
7. TO GO TO UNI OR NOT TO GO?
Let me prepare myself for uni for the next day, go to bed reading till late. Next day, ALARM RINGS. Time to wake up, 6:15 lets go. Not really sure if I should go in, you know its not an important lecture, its not like secondary school where you will get in trouble. I am 100% certain that I am 0% sure of what i am going to do.
I think I now know that I need help, I think so. I am actually not sure. But all these decision making gets you so tired and frustrated, it’s literally a job. It happens 24 hour a day. Wake up making decision, what will I eat for breakfast, What will I eat for lunch, dinner etc. All I can say honestly is that who cares how long you take to make decision on what to wear or eat, what bag to take. This is your quirk, that’s what makes you, you. Damn, girl or boy you is bloody special at least you take time to appreciate yourself. DAMMMNNNN I LOOK GOOD. WELL I GUESS MAKING ALL THESE DECISIONS WAS WORTHWHILE.
All Love from Gretchen.